Hell. Yes.
I mean, it doesn’t feel like there would be much more to say…does it? “Negative biopsy results.” Ha! You know better. 😉
The wait, in fact, did feel like for.e.ver. (Channeling my inner Smalls from Sandlot.)
The biopsy was done on a Wednesday. The radiologist reassured me he would call me directly with the results. (See my biopsy post.) He stated that the pathology results would usually be ready Friday or Monday at the latest and that as soon as the lab notified him of results, he would inform me straight away. So I could move to the next step, right?
Back up to the step where they were telling me they recommended me for the biopsy. At this time they said, two weeks to get me in, and another week for the results.
Mhm. Shoulda trusted that first info!
So, after waiting all day Friday and Monday I got up the courage to call Monday afternoon around 3. I informed them of the details and that I just wanted to make sure that I hadn’t missed the opportunity or the doctor didn’t miss seeing the results (or just forget to call). The lady was super sweet and compassionate, checked on everything and stated that the results had not been “signed off yet.” Of course my mind was racing that they were there but not seen.
Tuesday…nothing. I called again. This time the lady wasn’t so compassionate. Basically, “they aren’t ready.” She really was one of those service people that would short answer you with the that’s-all-I’ve-got type info, and follow that with dead silence. You know. That patronizing silence that says “what would you like me to do about that.” UGH.
By Wednesday, I felt defeated. But that feeling quickly turned into something else. After prayer and meditation, I knew that it was time for me to relinquish it. All of it. The anxiety, the need for control, everything. Wednesday, my family, who had been right there with me since Friday asking every day and questioning if I’d called, were beginning to ask again. And of course wondering if I’d called again.
“Giving up. I slowly let go of the anxiety today cuz there’s nothing i can do. I’m trying to control something i can’t and it was just too much lol. So. I’ll just. Be. Patient. It’s all i can do anyway.” That was my exact text to my sisters. It felt good to say it actually. Like a weight was lifted. And of course they “got” me immediately.
That night, I went into my bathroom for a tub soak. It had been a week since the biopsy. The nurses had double or triple layered an X of steri strips over the “nick” they made for the “needle.” (Again, see my previous post about the biopsy. LOL) They had said that it should come off on its own, within a week; and that if if hadn’t I could gently remove it myself. Ha. I knew this would require some soaking and coaxing.
But I have to say, removing that bandage was like another weight being lifted. I felt release from the constant reminder. I felt like I was beginning to get back to myself, especially when it came to any intimacy with my hubby. I just hadn’t felt like…me. Removing the bandage was the first step in moving toward whatever closure I would need.
Finally…
Thursday morning I get the call!! I was messaging my bestie at the time, received the call that was really just like “you’ll get the full report (NO, I still don’t have that damn report!) but I just wanted to let you know it was negative.
“What? Really?! All of it?”
I just could not believe my ears!! Pure, blissful, shock. And sweet relief. Teary relief as a matter of fact. Definitely teary. Yep, there were tears, especially as I typed it out to my bestie. Then, I was like, I gotta go girl and call my hubby!
Whew! Best day in a long time. My sisters immediately all jumped on a video call with me! Can you believe that?? I have THE BEST support system of husband, mom, friends, and sisters.
Everyone deserves that.
So. I know this journey will probably follow me for a while, if not the rest of my life LOL. I know I’m not off the hook because there ARE changes, but I’m STILL waiting, 3 weeks later, to see the official report. I called yesterday to the mammo office to let them know that neither I nor my provider’s office had received the report as promised. The lady there advised me to contact my provider since that is where they send it.
Of course. Skip the actual patient. *eye roll*
Anywayyyyy, so of course I called my practitioner’s office today (of course forgetting he’s always off on Wednesdays…today), and the receptionist reassured me she will look and have my stand in provider contact me.
He actually did!!
Gotta love it when someone does their job. Right?! He proceeded to inform me that he, did indeed, find and print my report and would leave at the desk for me to pick up. (*bypass frustration, bypass frustration…*)
After we discussed for a minute, he informed me he was actually surprised that it was nonmalignant. *I KNEW IT.* Every provider has basically prepared me for the next worst step and results. Hell I expected the worst too! He said there are changes but I’m just going to discuss with my actual provider the day after tomorrow, especially since this guy goofed up (something my provider would not generally do). We were discussing my plan for follow up in 6 months vs a year. He said a year is fine but could understand if I would prefer 6 months, with my “extensive family history.”
Uh. Nope.
No sir. No history. Like….not one person in my immediate family, or mother’s family, or father’s family has had breast cancer. Ever. *MOVING ON*
No, I did not correct him. At this point, I was ready to just move forward. He obviously confused me with someone else but had good intentions and is actually a kind and compassionate guy.
So, I will continue on this journey, but with so much more hope and gratitude.
Share YOUR journey. It matters. Be well,
Alice
