Biopsy tomorrow is prompting lots of emotions…

Yesterday I was planning to write about life-affirming habits. I let myself get busy with less important matters.

Not a life-affirming habit. LOL.

I had some cool things come across my horoscope yesterday, and for the week.

I really wanted to share my thoughts, especially since the thing specifically said “take charge.” Fitting! And while I’m feeling some tiny spark regarding money, resources, independence, and personal autonomy…

I also feel heavy. Just heavy. Pressed down and finding it difficult to get up.

I battle depressive bouts. I’m sure most do. I have battled legitimate depression as well, but now I’m familiar enough with the feeling and symptoms that if I can recognize it quickly enough (usually several days in), I can do the things that I know work for me.

Sunshine. Grounding. Meditation. Journaling. Yoga. Walking outside.

Those types of things work really well for me…when I do them. I haven’t done them yet. Maybe I’m waiting for the biopsy to be done and past me? Even as soon as it’s done, not like waiting for the results. I’m hoping just getting the procedure itself over with will give me the tiny lift I need to get into my groove of uplifting habits.

Back up.

I didn’t continue after my first post to update on the screening results that then moved on to the diagnostics. Well, I did update on the results of that first screening that noted “dense breast tissue” requiring a further mammogram and likely ultrasound.

The results from those are read to you immediately. So the diagnostic was done and prompted the ultrasound. Hang on…first, let me say, there was some really bad juju in the atmosphere that day! The ladies were NOT kind and chipper and talkative like the first lady. My friends and family were all experiencing legit f^c*ery that day, and the stars and planets were apparently in some serious malalignment from what we were reading.

Anyway. I realize this is not the best day of the week for them since apparently they only do the bad $hi+ on Wednesdays, and here I was on their least favorite day of the week. But come on. Isn’t this the day you put forth your best self for the patients that need that??? They really acted like it was a bad day at the office and could give two craps what I was thinking. No music. No kindness. No smiles. No asking questions or answering them. Simple commands, even snippy at times. Sheesh. Get a grip on your job people.

So, I proceeded from one unhappy tech to the next.

I could tell by all her ridiculous head tilts and changing of wands and things that she could see something she didn’t like. Then she brings in the doctor to take a look. Narrowing of eyes, deep breaths, head tilt. Tell tale signs that I’m about to hear something that includes more $hi+ I DON’T want to hear.

“I’m recommending a biopsy.”

Basically, he described what they were looking at as a “pucker. You know how when you have a scar, the skin around it can become tight and look a bit like it’s puckered?” That’s exactly what he said. It could be indicative of a past surgery or trauma. That explains why 4 out of the 4 people I’d seen this month had asked me if I’d ever had surgery or trauma to the breast.

But it can also be indicative of cancer.

Mhm. Mhm. Okay. Biopsy it is. There is a spot in the other breast as well but if it weren’t for what we are seeing to necessitate the biopsy, he’d just recommend following up in 6 months. If…IF…the biopsy comes back malignant, the next step would be MRI of both breasts.

Can’t we just skip to that???

Sheesh. Cut out that middle step. But no, he said we would still need the biopsy anyway to retrieve the cells for specifics so that will be done first.

So, although today’s horoscope is still focusing on career, money, and autonomy…

I’m planning to take a nice long bath tonight with candles for the fire of Aries, do some written affirmations and goals, and use the new moon energy to set up some new life-affirming habits and manifestations.

How To Work With March’s New Moon In Aries, From An Astrologer | mindbodygreen

One of my favorite websites for a lot of cool things. I hope you will join me in creating some positivity for the new moon, and new astrological year!